If you’re a new parent, I - as an old hand in the business - am going to teach you an important concept today. That concept is Daddy Tax.

Kids get so much cool stuff, and grandparents especially seem to love pouring sugary confectionery down your children’s throats. I’ve noticed that while they’re happy to shower gifts of candy upon the youngsters, we adults are not so lucky.

Enter ‘Daddy Tax’ - a levy applied to all sweet foods your offspring come in contact with. Packet of crisps? I recommend 1-2 crisps from each child. Sweets? Depends on the size, but 2-3 is acceptable daddy tax. The beauty of this scheme is that the more kids you have, the more goodies you get. You are now officially the government of your house!

Just remember, cakes and buns are non-taxable because they’re not easily divisible. You could take a bite, but you might as well get your own.

And before any of you complain that daddy tax is cruel, just remember that by absorbing a proportion of sweets and crisps, we are helping keep our children healthier. That’s right. It’s a noble form of self-sacrifice.

If you’re a new parent, you want to implement this scheme right away. Children respond better to the notion of daddy tax if it’s implemented early. Leave it too late and you’ll experience hostility and reluctance to hand over the goods.

Lisa has a history of making wild purchases that she forgets about almost immediately. She’ll deny it, but there’s a legacy of clothes in her wardrobe that were bought years ago, but still sport the label from the shop. And there’s a wide range of obscure tat that inhabits our house that testify to the fact that she’s an impulse shopper par excellence.

The story of the juicer comes to mind. For months, all I heard about was how fantastic a juicer would be for us. We could make our own fruit juices and live long, healthy fulfilled happy lives with the taste of tropical drinks never far from our lips.

The juicer was used a maximum of 3 times and was offloaded to another impulse shopper via eBay after it was discovered at the back of a kitchen cupboard.

So, history has been repeating itself lately. “You know what we really need?” she asked. But it wasn’t really a question. “A bread maker.” It was one of those moments where a spousal decision had already been made without me.

However, Lisa knows that any failure in the breadmaker project will result in universal ridicule. She’s baking every other day at the moment, and trying out some unusual bread recipes. And so far, she’s managed to justify the purchase.

I remain convinced that this is one of Lisa’s faddy purchases and it’ll go the way of the juicer before long. Why? Because she’s admitted that the cost of baking your own bread is roughly the same as buying it and there’s a much higher investment in time, which we’re already short on. The only ‘benefit’ is that home-made bread is apparently healthier because it has less additives and stuff.

It’ll be interesting to look back on this post in a few years time and see how Project Loaf turned out….

[tags]Lisa, Hare Brained Schemes, Baking, Cookery[/tags]

I love fish and chips, and although I have no problem clogging up my own arteries, I do have a problem with doing it to my children.

Tonight, while pondering my dinner menu, I took a real notion for fish and chips with loads of salt and vinegar. Instead of running out for a takeaway I put some oven chips on a baking trap, and got out some frozen cod fillets I had got from the local supermarket.

The cod had no coating, batter or breadcrumbs, and cooked in just 20 minutes in the oven. I cooked them in a knob of butter to prevent them from becoming dry.

When I presented dinner to the kids I waited for the outcry and protests, but they didn’t come. I was amazed when Rachel ate some of the fish, given that she rarely lets fish or meat of any kind pass her lips.

We all cleared our plates, even Daniel at only 9 1/2 months ate the fish with his fingers and devoured the baked beans.

I admit that greasy chips and battered cod would have tasted better, but this way I am almost guilt free, and saved at least £10 that I would have spent on a takeaway. You can’t beat that!

MSN Lifestyle has a great article titled ‘What Toddlers Eat Around The World’. It makes my kids lunch of sandwiches or soup seem positively boring. And when it comes to whose diet is the healthiest I have to hold my hands up and say that my daily menu probably leaves a lot to be desired!

For instance a typical toddler lunch in Japan is egg-flavored rice with broiled fish or seafood, a side dish of lightly cooked seasonal vegetables, and soup with tofu (commonly known as miso).

In India toddlers are more likely to eat khichdi, a mushy rice-and-lentil-based dish that includes just about every food group a growing child needs. Vegetables such as carrots and green beans or squash and okra and a protein (goat, lamb, or chicken) are cooked in butter and turmeric powder.

In Brazil toddlers will be snacking on rice and beans with some protein (ground beef, chicken, fish, or pork), and a vegetable (potato, broccoli, spinach, peas, or carrots).

My next mission is to try and be a bit more adventurous with the childrens food. I don’t want them to end up as fussy an eater as I am.

Jake and Daniel love this recipe, and it takes minutes to make!

All you will need is a tin of chopped tomatoes, a red pepper, some herbs and seasonings and some pasta. An optional extra is grated or cream cheese to put on the finished dish.

To start I just cut the pepper in half and put it under a hot grill until the skin starts to go black and wrinkle. Take it out and when it cools peel the skin off.

Place the peeled pepper in a blender with a tin of chopped  tomatoes, add some herbs of your choice and some seasonings such as pepper or garlic (I tend not to use salt to make it more healthy for the children).

Throw some fresh pasta in  pan of boiling water for three minutes, warm the sauce and serve. I sometimes add some grated cheese or a dollop of cream cheese on the top for some extra flavour.

You can also add some minced beef, or some beans or pulses if you have the time. Its a really adaptable recipe.

This is a messy dish. You will end up with children who have more tomato sauce on their face than in their mouth. But it is the perfect family meal: Cheap, easy to make and really really quick!

I have spent along time trying to cook baked potatoes. I love them in restaurants but every time I cook them at home they are hard in the middle no matter how long I leave them in the oven.

Last night for the first time I got it right!

Here is what I did. I microwaved them first! Simple isn’t it, 18 minutes in the microwave, then 15 minutes in the oven at 200 degrees centigrade and they come out crispy on the outside, soft and fluffy inside.

Gerard and I enjoyed them with some chicken and pepper sauce, while Jake loved them with baked beans.

What culianry masterpiece shall I attempt next? Maybe I’ll learn how to poach an egg!

Fruit smoothies are a superb way of getting  kids to eat their recommended daily amount of fruit. Not only that, they are quick and easy to make, a must for someone as rubbish as me in the kitchen.

Here’s what we use:

1 banana
1 pear or apple
1 kiwi
1 handful of berries (fresh or frozen)
Some milk or yoghurt

Throw it all in a blender and blitz……..Voila!

We aren’t always as precise as the recipe above, very often we just throw in whatever is in the fruit bowl and add enough youghurt until it reaches the desired consistency. There is definately no ‘right way’ to make this treat.