It is coming up to that time, when Rachel and Jake where 9 months old, my periods returned. Within another 3-4 months I was pregnant again. Daniel is now 9 months old and the feelings of panic are beginning to rise.

I have already explained my feelings on birth control and contraception, so at the minute we are relying on good old condoms. However we used them religiously after Jake, and I still got pregnant, so I don’t have a hig level of faith in our chosen method.

Two weeks ago I began to get period cramps. I had been expecting them for a while, so i stocked up on sanitary products and waited for the inevitavble. But it didn’t come.

Five days of cramps and mood swings later I began to panic. For the first few weeks of all my pregnancies I have suffered with cramps of this kind, so I began to suspect that I was pregnant once more.

At first I was relatively calm. “It must be meant to be” I thought, I was nervous when I was first pregnant with Daniel, but I wouldn’t change him for the world, and after all didn’t I want a sister for Rachel? However as the hours began to pass and I pondered the future I began to get frantic. Daniel wouldn’t even be 18 months old when the baby was born. I would be bound to get severe SPD again, how would I cope without being able to walk and still look after 3 young children? I missed a whole nights sleep just worrying and worrying.

First thing last Monday I went to the pharmacy and got a pregnancy test, though I was sure what the result would be……Guess what, I was wrong. The test was negative.

I am still getting the cramps, but I am hoping that it is just my body’s way of getting itself into gear once again. After all I haven’t had a period since before I was pregnant a year and a half ago.

Gerard has been ordered to the GPs in a bid to get his vastectomy moved forward. I couldn’t cope with this panic every month!